Why?

Cold and distant is the silver moonshine.
Burning a hole in my soul,
Rendering me alone, an inhuman swine.
Unfit for love; A troll.

Lost in lies and deceit,
Places where blood means nothing
And family chews upon mine meat.
Whereupon within their mouths, the juices sweet.

No home, no home to return to.
No hole to retreat to.
And forsooth! thereupon the isle of Abandonment,
Doth my guardian angel lie in sable raiment.

Challenges do the uncouth yell,
Sparking to life flick’ring flames of cold anger
That rages to burst forth a gout of Hell.
Blood boils in mine eyes of onyx

The body, sooner inflammed,
Sooner tires.
And withers.

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Wow wow wow. I’m back here again. On the same day!

I must have something really good to say!

Well.

I don’t.

I’m just going to rant online, just because i feel like typing.

Hmm. Ivan can’t make it for open house on Friday. Well. Bummer. He’s enlisting on that day. He can’t complain.Proud commando boy. Whilst i go in standard just like everyone else. Ah wells. There’l be something good about it. Fo’ sure. i hope.

And now, andrew is giving me 101 Neopets. … Yes. i’m that useless. I actually do have trouble playing neopets. Yea. Earning money/neopoints is… not really much of a joyride. quite taxing.

Wish my mother could just shut it. She’s just asking for a negative response. She thinks she can just freely yell without me getting pissed off. My father too. Thinks i’m some goddamn machine or something. Just standing there and taking all the shit. Yeah. Load. Go fucking right ahead and load me up with all your crap. I don’t lie all the time. Speak of forgiveness to me why don’t you. Let me giggle. Speak of forgetting why don’t you. Maybe i should continue to hold grudges. Dorville says it’s horrible to hold a grudge. But hey. To each his own right? You want me to survive right?

I see no distinction. To me, the lines are blurred.

I’ll blow up in your face i swear.

Facebook games are hard.

Haven’t heard from Dorville in a week. Miss her a lot. Especially now. When everything seems to be rotting and i’ve got no one to turn to. God. Problem is God never speaks back, and while i don’t have a problem with that, sometimes, you just need a voice.

Is this what it is to grow up? Am i supposed to be a twisted picture of childhood innocence? Pity this blog doesn’t get much attention. There’s food for thought. What have you grown into lately?

I use to be able to talk freely to almost anyone. But even talking and opening up to Dorville lately has become hard. She’ll ask a sensitive question, and i’ll respond untruthfully, or just change the subject. Whats wrong. Am i scared to let her, or anyone else for that matter, see what i really am like? Or have i just become an emotional recluse? I can’t even speak to Rod anymore. Not him, not Nicole, not Shoes, not Joel, not Marcus, not anyone.

God, whats wrong with me.

My Run

Was really down and out yesterday, from basically doing nothing. Kept getting irritated at humans. Human drivers.

This constant reference to people i don’t like as humans is irritating me too. Or, maybe just a certain part of me thats human too. My belief is that all people are humans, but not all humans are people. It’s the same philospohy that runs true in the Dune Chronicles. ‘Sifting the humans from the animals.’, well, leastways i’m not that harsh.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m definitely human too. And moreover, i’m at the very beginnings of figuring out my abilities as a person and as an individual (which has more power over things in my beliefs). The power over one’s environment and over others. But power must be met with wisdom, the knowledge of when to use what, and it’s eventual outcomes. Power without wisdom, is merely brute force, that does no one good. Or perhaps, merely a narcisstic good.

Power might also be seen as the influence over life that a living organism has. Basically, your impact on the world (environment and others). But perhaps this sort of, or definition of power might be considered to be a sub-conscious power, since the awareness and use of it is limited.

I’ll ponder along this line and type more when i’m back from my run. Approx 1 hour. Slow jog, 5km.

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And, i have returned. 🙂

Turned out to be a 6km route instead. Last minute change. So fun! haha. Problem is still my form. A lot of impact on my shins. Burning all the way… Hmm. Got to find a proper way to stretch that area.

heh.

Humans are all sad. And so am i.

Well. There you go. My conclusion.