Mmmm… PROSODY. =)

to Shoes : Awesome!! it has a name! XD do you learn much bout it?

Hmm. Currently realizing how much it sucks to have a bruised heart and nothing to really distract you from it. Hell the coming week’s going to really be painful. No active duty. Just… rubbish the whole way. WOW.

I’m pretty fucked. =/

Writing will help. Yeah. And i’m bringing my guitar in. Going to sing the blues and all the emo-ass-songs.

How ah. seriously. I think i’m going to ask OC if i can run. At least. That would be… decently distracting. Or i could just get Ben to walk around in the nude. …

Oh fuck no.

Was supposed to have a stayover at Dan’s place today! =( got cancelled from low attendance…. argh. Killjoy. Was really looking forward to it. My weekends are pretty dull. Not much company. Lucky thing Fan Zhi’s still around and all. Spent about 2 hours with him playing the guitar and Halo-ing. Awesome game…. Want to try out ODST!! 😀

I hope you readers notice my attempts at remaining positive. The only reason this post isn’t turning into a pathetic description of self-failure and rantings on possible suicide at an early age is ’cause i don’t feel like subjecting your minds to it. Be appreciative. XD

Just spent about 30 minutes trying to fit a nice little poem (a pretty positive one, mind) into facebook’s wall thingy, and accidentally pressed backspace. =.= shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit man. Now i’m so…. wasted. Urgh.

I think i’m going to cycle tommorrow. =/ Far away again. It’s my little escape from stuff around me. Sometimes, i just need to get away. Escapism. The only way to be a part of something as big and complex as modern society, is to continually and unceasingly try to be apart from it. =/

Hell, all’s an ironic interplay of parody and contradiction in my pretty self-complicating/destructive life.

My biography, shall be epic.

[EPIC FAILURE! XDD AHAHAHHAA]

Before i get out of here, just realised that i draw creative energy from negative emotions. o.O maybe i can try doing that with positive emotions?

…

Long shot. But worth a try. =/

JUUUUST a Little More.

Ok. More from me. The last post was really short!

Headed out to have a drink, like i said, with Shoes and Algae almost immediately after i booked out on Friday. Really felt good to relax like that after a pretty nerve-wracking week. =/ My first week as a Corporal. ….

Yeah i still have some issues to settle (with myself) over that bit. Heh.

Pride is not poisonous. Can eat one.

Yeah. Now. Repeat that 1, 415, 200 times. maybe then, i can drill it into my naturally thick skull.

(The number’s random)

Anyway. Was talking to my Dad about delivery of speech and it’s emotive effects recently (yes i know. it’s our father-son thing.). Wanted to share some thoughts with Dorville, but decided to post it up here instead. That way i can share it with anyone who reads this blog.

It’s really interesting to realise that the slightest difference in intonation can make such a big difference in how a person feels after you say something. Honestly. It’s most obviously seen when examplified within one sentence. For example,

“You’re late.”

This little phrase could be accusatory, matter-of-fact, or aggressive. Hell the list goes on.

My interest now lies in weeding out the exact nuances of speech that represent the emotion. How the way we say things makes other feel as they do when we say it.

Heh. Sounds like a Readers’ Digest kinda thing. =/

Rock climbing next week? =)

With Much Thought But Few Words

I drew the key from it’s place on the undusted shelf.
Such a comfortable place!
Where gentle crystals of dust caressed the bronze skin.
Seeing it rest now in the palm of my hand,
My heart fills with a cocktail of trepidation and foreboding.
Like an eclipse crossing the high noon of my soul.
Aged bronze against the cold white of my skin,
I feel the physical insignificance of it’s weight,
And all of the emotional significance.
A key to a gate.
A key to a silent hoard.
A key to dreams.
Promises behind a door that, being close, awaits the opening.
And being opened, will remain so. Ever more.
All it requires is a moment of my soul’s daring.
The first step upon a road, of which, I know
Absolutely nothing of.
And as i stare unwavering at the tiny thing,
Lost in though and memory far out of time,
The winds of change blow up a twisted gale.
Spring turns to winter,
But winter is her haughty mood,
Shows a negligent shoulder. And forsooth,
Spring comes again once more.
Still i stand.
A-pondering.

Had a very good weekend so far. Went drinking with Shoes and Algae. Seriously didn’t expect drinking to be like that. Ha. I have a very different definition of a lot of things. And drinking is one of them.

Lol.

The chilli drink.

Six Feet Down Never Felt So Lonely Before

Who am i? =/

I don’t know, again. All those wrong choices. How i’ve changed, who i’ve become. Am i really… me anymore? And… who the hell am i in the first place? Where is God? I can’t feel him there anymore. I don’t know where i am and i don’t know what to do.

I’ve always been a pretty hopeless kind of guy. But now.. i think. i kind of slipped off the rough end. Took a fall off the edge of a very high cliff that i’ve been glancing down at all this while. And…

I’m still falling.

I think it’s going to be a rough landing.

I was an SCT. Now, i’m going to be an OOC. My heart hurts wheneveri think about it. Always thought army would be a new beginning for me. Could forget all the crappy failures that i… was at the center at when i was in ODAC. Could be… someone i could be proud of. For once. But it’s still the same you know? I lost everything i gained from ODAC. The resilience. The patience. The care. The compassion. I know. At least i still have my friends. I still have the memories.

I’m still falling.

I hate to admit it. Been wrestling with it for so long, cause i couldn’t believe it myself. But there have been times… quite a few times… that i actually resented the other ODACers. Their brilliance made my dullness so much more obvious. So much more painful. I love them all. but sometimes, it hurts.

I hate myself for this.

I need you now more than ever.

It’s a pretty long fall. Might have time for a read on the way down.

and….. here doggy.

I seem to have some… strange liking for the moon. Maybe it’s… the Tolkein influence? haha. But truly. =)

A full moon, blazing in all it’s ethereal glory, set against sable curtains of Night’s cloak is really…. inspiring.

Just came out from a very difficult 2 weeks. Couldn’t go for the urban exercise cause my fingers got infected (sounds damn gross right? =/). Don’t want to disgust you further with the exact details, but it hurt really bad. Couldn’t even hold my equipment properly.

Got a new tuner! =) couldn’t find my old one so decided to get a replacement instead. Whoo. And a new capo. Hahaha… just really needed to get back to playing the guitar. Too long has it been since i’ve played the strings (maybe i need to replace them… :P). Right now trying to figure out Secondhand Serenade’s The Last Song Ever. Nice ass song this one. But damned difficult to get the strumming right. Ah well. At least i managed to find a decent score of chords for it. 😛

Hmm. I spent my entire weekend doing this blog post, and it still looks sparse.

something.. i’ve lost something. =/ i’m not sure if it’s compassion, mercy or.. warmth. i’m having difficulty being kind. i have to TRY to be kind. … why.