Monthly Archives: April 2010

Tittle Tattle of the Mentally Insecure

———————————–

I twiddled my thumbs,
I scratched good my bum,
But lo and behold!,
Gone is the rum.

For better or for worse,
It is gone far now.
I thought me arse would be in a hearse,
But instead i sit here wondering… ‘how?’.

How did i refuse that hallow’d pint?
How did i set it aside?
Perhaps within the course of Time,
I lost myself ‘neath it’s sordid tide.

Drowning, flailing, waving mad.
I bobbed about till it seemed quite sad,
Puking, distilling, insanely disturbing,
Lost in sorrow without roots to be had.

So now i smile, though it seem more of a leer,
Forgive me. Not all of us were born naturally happy.
But see now! Have no fear!
At least now my words have no mood to make thee fear.

To fear the stab, and counter of the fencing foil,
To see thyself cringe and recoil
Knowing that thee know not what’s worth knowing,
And in knowing know that there’s not much to knowing.

Again i beg thee for thy less-sought pardon,
For my tongue be wild today, though not so tongueing.
Cut me free of this shell of carbon,
And you release a ghost of sexual armageddon.

Pish Posh.

———————————–

Fly With Me Within Insanity

————————————-

I lie low in Boredom’s murky deeps,
Pondering the ill-fate of things that seep,
Weep, that fated slip.
A broken collar and bemused lip.

Oh how the smokes and mists of Time divulge
Not the bearings of your current course.
All that curs’d arrow does is offer a bulge
In most questionable areas of a random horse.

Pity the knife that stabs, not the hand.
For’t ventures forth into unwelcome places,
Arenas where blood dirties and stains white sand,
While the gruel of effort twists the gentle faces.

If thou eyes traverse this page in search of meaning,
Abandon hope!
Though the presence of words unadultered are well-seeming,
They serve naught but lordly confusion to your untangled rope.

At least, they do if you take my meaning.
But what be your take on this?
Is your mental security fast-fleeing?
Or do you feel my emotion underlying?

To bamboozle, without delight
In a realm of thought i know knows no right.
Ever the pen in my hand forgets it’s might,
Same should be said for my mouth’d flight.

Confound the mossy cheese.

————————————-

Freedom Means Different Things to Different People

————————–

For so long i’ve been doused in darkness,
Too long spent under the ground,
That i’ve misplaced every sweet sound,
Everything beautiful into a deep forgetfulness.

The wild wind in the rushes,
The stinging kiss of cold rain on skin.
The peace in a shallow marsh,
Sensations so good it might just be a sin.

Out of the cave where i’ve hidden for so long,
The world sings loudly her subtle song.

————————–

Forgotten Home

———————————

It gets so cold inside here,
Like a winter never gone.
On the window sill, the frozen tear,
The cobwebs hanging still forlorn.

The fire in it’s place long dead,
The photographs on the wall.
Mold on forgotten bread,
The ghosts in this lost hall.

This used to be a place of gold’n light,
Warm, welcoming, bright.
This used to be a place of love,
Of soft words like the coo’n of a gentle dove.

Now everything’s gone.
Taken, tormented, torn.
The garden of flower’d delight withered,
Spilling pollen-blood upon floor life-littered.

History is history’s problem.
For now i stay here, watching, waiting.
The wraiths of nightmares wreathed in fear,
The ghosts of dreams appearing queer.

Sit here. Waiting.
For that lonely candle flame
To come gliding down this wintry hall,
Familiar in it’s journeying twisting, Coming to say,

There is still hope in this nightly fall.

———————————

Crossroad sessions

It’s been one heck of a week. Mostly from the lack of work to distract me. So smoking like a fucking teapot. Haven’t felt so.. mentally and emotionally tired out like this for such a long time. good news is i haven’t sunk into an emotional depression yet. Yet. I really hope i can hold out, but i can’t be sure.

But truth be told, i really miss her. I miss talking to her and all and… yeah. stuff. shit… I need to work out. work it all out. During office hours and after office hours.

Just had dinner with a few of the odacers. marcus andrew nicole shoes eugene tan and surprisingly!, the big boss! 😀 Hahaha mr algae himself! yeah.. haven’t seen the bruder in ages! pity joel wasn’t there though. So.. yeah. It was good. i didn’t emo. someone out there should be proud of this…

BEFORE dinner was an epic LAN session! 5 hours! huat ar… one day.. one day… OVERNIGHT LAN!!! WHOOO!!!

yeah. well.

things will work themselves out. I just need to hold on.

Eternity in the moment

———————————

I drown my dreams in fog,
A rancid cloud of delusion.
Breathing deep the smog
Of suffering and confusion.

Blinded by deception,
I still feel the cut keenly.
Other doorways of perception
Makes the pain utterly unseemly.

Does it pay to be beaten?
And yet there’s only so much dirt you can chew.
Only so much you can bleed,
Before another journey takes you in it’s wings.

I’ve lost count of the wounds,
The bruises and the blotchy patches.
Weakness holds on; Latches
Onto my soul, sending it a-trembling down.

On my knees.

Still they hack. Have they no pity?
No cloud can screen me.
No blessed or unblessed mists,
Can shield me from the blade.

My lips taste salt’d earth.

The crows they beckon with wings wide spread.
Welcoming a brother long lost?
Or p’rhaps in anticipation of meal long awaited?
A mystery’s answer i will soon come to find.

I wonder if anything green will grow here,
Where my blood bathes the earth.
Perhaps a willow tree,
The only thing i’d hope will weep for me.

My muscles stiffen, sag. And fail.
As the flame dies within me.
My being lowers to it’s final rest,
But i fight the only fight left to me, to the last.

My eyes cry the last tear left.

I fade, well do i feel it.
Feel the un-feeling crawl in my limbs,
Spasmodically. Inching it’s slow but final way
To my struggling heart’s drum.

In a dream it seems to me,
A long weary dream.
One from which i will claim much rest,
A rest from which i will never wake.

In the bloodied haze of this war,
This conflict of blank flags
And stolen weapons,
Finally, Night claims all.

And here i lie, in this last dream,
Forevermore.

—————————————

Tonight

—————————–

A feather dancing between moonbeams,
Flitting in and out of timid sight.
Slipping between dream’s subtle seams,
Giving off a seeming gleaming light.

A twist and a profound turn,
Floating by on winds unseen.
A dancer’s feet might have much to learn
From it’s trail through air cold and keen.

I sigh, sending it on a new journey forth.
Want and desire spawning in breath
Fogged from night’s chill,
Tendrils of discontent, of loth.

Another breath,
And this feather floats far from sight.
Sinking into the dark of no-light,
A no-light mighty bright to dream-sight.

It takes with it all i ever dreamed possible.

—————————–

Another Night of Peace

—————————–

My dreams will ever wander into the woods,
For that is where i can breathe.
A place where my soul comes unchained,
Floating on subtle night breezes.

No creature evil wanders here.
For it is a place hallow’d even before my existence,
Even before my heart’s first tremble.
No creature evil wanders here.

Every bough and leaf,
The lights in bark-shadow,
Silver dew upon blade’s tip.
I know all and love all.

Wishes and desires and hopes and worries,
All wither away into the twilight.
I revel in the moment of the absolute infinite,
And fly amongst the stars on wings of mist.

—————————–