Happiness and Sorrow are phases.

————————————————-

God lies still, in the little things.
A smile, a touch,
A whiff of remembered perfume.
Yes. God lies still in the little things.

The devil dwells in the gaps in-between.
A frown, a curse.
The curl of cigarette smoke.
Yes. The devil dwells in the gaps in-between.

Memories crystallize, immortalis’d.
Collected behind a clear looking glass,
Ever to be seen, but never to be touched.
A container of indescribable joy and sublime sorrow.

With all these places to be, i’ve lost myself.
Confused between the pocked green of neglect
And the evergreens of life overflowing.
Love and hate mix like oil and water in a sicken’d cauldron.

I dare hope for you.
And i dare hope to steal the Moon’s raiment.
For what is existence without daring?
A life rejected and partially undertaken.

I’d dare for you.

————————————————-

XP. Was the bomb.

Holy Cows on the Farm

Is why we exist such an important thing to consider? Is it not enough to KNOW that we exist? But then again we don’t really know if we truly exist if experience is only limited to a single point of reference. Our own. We can’t very well tap into the life experiences of others effectively or thoroughly enough to replicate similar progressions.

I’m asking this question, now, ’cause i got drunk at Eugene’s house and for some reason, this thing about existence got stuck in my mind. I was spewing a lot of shit.

But sift through the shit. Might find some gold. Then the question as to why the fuck i’m consuming valuable metals will arise. And i’ll have something to consider, again. Yes, ladies and gents. My brain is alive again. Woe to you. All of you.

Let’s Get Physical

I really would like to say something a little more.. bright.

But i can’t.

To be honest, i find my attempt to smile really quite something. Some might find it sad, that i need so much effort to smile (truly smile), but hey. I’m me, and you’re you. And i will kick your ass if i can attach a name to you. IYKWIM.

Yeah.

Playing online poker on Facebook. It’s a very good way to de-stress. Kind of. Tension at home is.. curiously not touching me. Much. It was crazy this afternoon though. Painful.

Ah well. Suck thumb, as always.

Need to go to Army Market! 😀 Want to buy a new SOG… not the useless black on that rusts. I want the silver one! 😀 Heh. Hopefully i can get the money out of my account before Wednesday this coming week. Hahaha. Hopefully.

Man. Finding it hard to write this week. Really… it’s either i’m becoming even more and more shallow (i’m not saying i’m not), or my depression is just biting down on my literary comprehension.

I wanna wrestle.

Shouting

—————————————–

The door’s opened halfway,
Leaving a more than visible picture of what’s past it.
A welcome light gleams through the gap,
The screams indicate it’s another trap.

I shy away from the light
Straight into the dark.
I don’t want another fight,
Another one to leave another mark.

Wish i had somewhere else i could go,
Instead of running into a beer can all the time.
And yet the only thing to stop alcohol’s rapid flow
Is cigarette’s swirl in airs’ that rhyme.

A promise to keep though, one in a contract
Of much pain.
No friendly words for the maniac.
Blow out the candles, give it up,

Cut the rope slack.

—————————————–

Couldn’t Sleep

——————————————————

Another sleepless night.
No.
Not tonight.
Tonight, i’m taking all the thoughts out.
Out of my dilapidated mind.

I remember. How i truly used to care.
How i waited at the side for you,
In silence, with silence, alone.
Never once did you ask how i fare’d,
I sat there waiting, like a fool.

Maybe i should have tried.
Taken that step forward,
Instead of waiting, waiting.
Taking all that bullshit from the blind.
Rolled over like some god damned pet.

All the frowns and mutterings.
Maybe it’s just me.
No one could understand.
They say i’m still growing, a baby in an old shell.
None of them have seen the hell

I remember the day the illusions broke.
The day i screamed as i broke,
Crying next to my dying pride,
Hid away like something shameful,
Underneath a broken table.

You think you know pain.
You think you know what loneliness is.
You think you know shame,
You think you know uselessness.
You think.

You think you know what fucked up is.
No my dear,
You know who ‘fucked up’ is.
I sure do.
I run my razor across his chin everyday.

Call me a ranter.
Call me immature.
Hit me.
Slam me down.
Abandon me.

There’s not much space for scars left on me.

Did you know?
I tried to be someone for you.
Tried to be there for you.
You never let me in.
Quick thinking ace.

Hell, i’d never let me in.

Last few hours to go.
My last.
I’ve died many times.
This is my umpteenth.
Still feels like shit though.

It always sucks to die alone.

——————————————————

So..

——————————————————

It’s getting late,
And still i hesitate.
With pen to paper,
And ink seeping in between.

There is an emptiness in my thoughts,
Blotched with painful remembering.
All the conundrums that i fought
Now come piling atop of me.

So here i sit in silence, hardly reverent.
Idly sucking a distant thumb,
Lost in strip after strip
Of questionable content.

The warm air drifts lazily in,
Reminding me this be a time where most slumber.
But still i wonder,
If there still be a pain under stress in my shin.

Selfish paths burn me, somewhere in my heart.
Perhaps i should….
Or not. My presence will not be missed.
That is certain. There are others to replace me.

It is sad, somewhat.
That i have become something of an item.
Shoved upon the shelf and used when needed, only.
Replaceable. A human toy.

It is sad.

Somewhat.

————————————–

After a while spent in slumber…

I skipped a room somewhere somewhen,
Flying down corridors of bleach’d white,
Rushing to a destination unknown to me,
Towards a darkness dense in this blinding light.

Dizzy spinning, awkwardly falling
From all reason down into silent decadence.
A descent so beautiful it hurts,
If only i could feel anything apart from this ache in my head.

I wake. Or do i? Blinking past the insane,
Into something i have known but least expected.
I step into a truth dressed in a stinging rain,
Whilst i appear naked and indignant.

Resentment burns bright like a bonfire,
Soon extinguished by a drowning hose.
Farewell! O distant pyre,
One more breath before another mysterious plunge down under.

So many voices overwhelm me,
And already i choke. Suffocating in reality.
Shadows speak half-truths whilst angel-lights sing lies.
Belief is a distant religion, albeit outlawed in this land.

And still i slumber on within my wakeful soul.

I just let my mind run on this one.

It’s the result of suppressing thought for quite a long time. Successful? Yeah. I guess you could say so. I’m not so perturbed by it anymore. But other things are crashing down on me so.. Yeah. But i’ll bear it. Maybe not as well as i’d hoped i would, but i will.

In the meantime, my immaturity is stunning my eyes out from my ass.

And i have laundry that hasn’t been settled. ponder this. For it is truth skipping amongst the shadows of the light.

I really have laundry in my washing maching though.

Just A Quickie

I think i tore something in my right leg. This is an unusual amount of pain i’m experiencing right now. …

Seriously.

Or maybe it’s because i’m too long out of it.

Maybe.

Frisbee rocks. Will train when i am able to. If only Kar Jun didn’t keng so often. 😛